November 7th, 2016

In Abby’s Kitchen


Hello Friends, I am sorry I have been out of touch the past (gasp) five months.

The sale of our house was a speed of light event this spring that left us in an odd spot. With the home we’re building not ready until late fall, and a rental market not friendly to short term leases, Bill and I were looking at being nomads. Where would we land in the interim?

While on one of their early morning hikes, Bill was lamenting our housing situation–or lack thereof–to his longtime friend Kyle. Loping the trail, Kyle didn’t miss a beat.

“You can stay with me.”

It was a generous offer from a man newly widowed. Abby, his wife of forty-four years, had grappled with cancer the last five, and succumbed in January. That left Kyle alone for the first time in the house they’d bought in 1975. It had been many years since I’d been inside the suburban ranch, but Bill assured me it could accommodate us. It had a guest bedroom and bath off the kitchen, separated from the remainder of the house.

Grateful for a place to live, we accepted.

Preparing for our gypsy time, we adopted the same attitude we did in selling and giving away our belongings to downsize for the next home. What was essential? Other than my basics— clothing, toiletries, and laptop—what would I take with me? I chose my knife set, a favorite cast-iron skillet, and my fig colored Le Creuset Dutch oven.

Of course it never plays out that simply. There were boxes of canned and dry goods from my pantry. Files from my desk. Our bicycles. Clothes and hats and shoes covering two seasons for two adults that filled two large bins. Even when you’re trying to go lean for the long haul, it still mounts up. Our stuff.

When we arrived at our new residence and began unpacking, our host became agitated. “Too much stuff,” Kyle declared.

“Don’t put that there,” he admonished Bill, who was looking for a spot to set a container of his clothes. “You’re covering an outlet.”

“Where’s all that going to go?” he bristled as I tried to unpack a bin of pantry items.

“Nancy’s going to be cooking for us,” Bill called out.

“Not for me,” Kyle responded.

Ouch. What had we done? It was as if he imagined us showing up with a pair of suitcases, like weekend guests. We were both shaken. How was this arrangement going to play out?

In the whirlwind of dissembling our home, and wrapped up in our own jumble of feelings, we hadn’t considered the impact of this move on him. It had taken a lot for Kyle to invite us into his home. Long before his wife’s death, he’d become hermetic. Sure, we would see him several times a week, meeting up for hour-long hikes in the wooded park. But that’s a far cry from meeting a person on his private, grief-filled ground.

I walked through the still house, a snapshot in time. Both living and dining rooms were museumlike, and beckoned no one. A stack of magazines, calendars, and Abby’s reading glasses laid on a side table in the den, as if awaiting her return to the easy chair beside it. In the kitchen, near-empty glass canisters of flour, sugar, and rice lined the back counter like sentinels, bearing witness to the silence. A strand of dried chilis long ago tacked over a window hung sun-bleached and coated in dust.

Into this place we entered, bringing in our energy, a clash that left me stumped: What had prompted Kyle’s invitation? Maybe there was a part of him that wanted us to be there.

I set my skillet on the stove top, my block of knives on the counter and decided that, despite his pronouncements, I would cook for him.

It began fitfully. The cooktop, an old Gaggenau with two gas burners and two electric, was cantankerous–both gas burners wouldn’t function at the same time. Click Click Click Click the automatic pilot wouldn’t fire and the sound vexed Kyle. And then I couldn’t tell if I turned on the correct electric burner—the knob positions didn’t make sense— unless I tested the hot plate with my fingertips. Nevertheless, I pushed through. I pan-seared steaks, fried potatoes with onions, and served them with a big salad, proud to use spuds and greens harvested from our vegetable garden. Score one for the Clean Plate Club! Kyle seemed to relish every bite. Maybe he’d warm to the idea that someone would be cooking him a delicious meal.

Still, it was bumpy. Some things Bill and I couldn’t do right. Latch the gate. Load the dishwasher. Leave the sponge here not there. We did too much laundry and put too many things in the refrigerator. Some days I’d wait until Kyle went out, and I’d scour the fridge or pantry for “scary foods,” items of his long-expired that I pitched into the trash. Any extra cooking–like roasting my garden tomatoes—I’d do during those times too.

For the first awkward weeks, the only place where I felt grounded was our garden, a sunny patch flourishing in the backyard of my brother’s office. Tending the tomato plants laden with plump fruit, scrutinizing the squash plants for hidden zucchinis: these acts felt familiar and comforting, and had no direct bearing to where I was or was not living.

In time, I found grounding in Abby’s kitchen.


A kitchen is personal and I was unsure of how I, a trespasser, would be received. Even though she’d left this earthly plane, this room was her domain. In her health, Abby loved to cook. Her shelves, jammed with cookbooks spanning decades, told a story of home and family, travels and interests. Tucked among the classics Joy of Cooking and The Silver Palate, were funny dated ones like Someone’s in the Kitchen with Dinah. (Dinah Shore!) Several ring-bound regional collections spoke to her heritage: Talk About Good! from the Junior League of Lafayette. Abby had been born in Texas and raised in Louisiana.


She also had every drawer and cabinet filled with cooking equipment: pots, pans, baking tins, casserole dishes, gadgets, utensils, measuring tools…you name it, Abby had it. Each mealtime included my stealth process of discovery, depending on what I needed at the moment.

I came to appreciate the age and quality of her things. Her first generation food processor still functioned well. While it had no pulsing mechanism, its steel blade, a heavier gauge than current models, worked its magic on my pestos and purees.


A cache of vintage Pyrex bowls and storage containers tucked in the back of a cabinet charmed me with their turquoise imprint of a farm couple, corn stalks and roosters. I used them whenever I could. A set of stainless steel cooking tools with melamine handles in a harvest pattern became another go-to; they felt right in my hand. The prize was this Hamilton Beach stand mixer, a relic beauty complete with beaters and thick milk glass bowls, which I found just in time to make my dad’s birthday cake.


Through July and August, I lined her windowsills over the sink with my ripening tomatoes. I found a large basket to hold our bounty of yellow squash and peppers, which I kept on the counter by Abby’s canisters. I didn’t take over her kitchen; I wouldn’t dream of it. But I was reanimating it.

Sometimes, while snapping beans or sauteing onions, I would think about Abby and what she would have been cooking. I wondered if she liked this spatula or that strainer as much as I did. I wondered if she would mind another woman in her kitchen, using her pots, standing over her stove. In a house steeped in sadness, here I tapped into her overriding spirit of generosity.

One evening, I was cooking boneless chicken breasts in fresh lemon and garlic; the heady aromatics filled the kitchen, and soon, the rest of the house. From the den, Kyle called out, his voice brimming with the excitement and urgency of a child on Christmas morning,


And then, he was in the kitchen; his flat grey eyes sparkled. A simple dish became an awakening. And triggered a flood.

He talked about garlic, how much he liked it, how Abby would cook with scads of it. How he’d grown up eating plain country food—he was just a meat-and-potatoes boy—and how Abby introduced him to the wonders of garlic and lemon and hot peppers and dirty rice. She knew how to season, kick up the heat. Pride swelled in his voice: Abby was a very good cook.

It had gotten difficult the last years, though. Pain meds had left her addled; she couldn’t remember all the elements of, say, her gumbo or chili. Food didn’t taste the same, either. She relied on Kyle to sample and advise. More thyme? Or cumin? More often than not, he’d say,

“A dash more cayenne.”

I listened, and thought about my garden, with two plants covered in red and green chilis, little electric-hot Christmas trees. I’d cook with more fire and spice.


1 tablespoon vegetable oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium onion, minced
1 teaspoon salt
50-60 cayenne peppers, destemmed
2 cups water
1 cup white vinegar

Note: be sure that you are working/cooking in a well-ventilated place.

Use a 2 quart saucepan placed on medium heat. Add vegetable oil.
Add garlic and onion. Saute for 2 minutes. Add salt, then stir in peppers and saute for another minute.
Pour in water, stir well and cover. Cook for 30 minutes.
Uncover and simmer for another 15 minutes—water will reduce and the peppers will become tender. Pour in the vinegar. Simmer for 10 minutes.

Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Use an immersion blender, or food processor fitted with a steel blade. Puree.
Pour through a strainer, discarding solids/seeds, then your sauce is ready to bottle.
Keeps, refrigerated, for 3-4 months. Makes 1 1/2 pints.

Posted in Articles, Gluten Free, Recipes, Sauces, Vegan

40 Responses to “In Abby’s Kitchen”
  1. Kath Says:

    Oh gosh Nancy! The grief of Kyle emanates through this post, what a difficult time for him and how generous a gift he offered you. It must have been hard for all of you, tiptoeing around the grief held within the house. I am sure Abby is looking down at you all, happy that you have been able to help Kyle through this painful time and happy that you have appreciated her beloved kitchen. More fire and spice is right, in everything, whilst there is still fire and there is still spice. Sending you love. I hope the new house is ready soon and you and Bill can find a new rhythm in your new space. Kath xx

  2. Anne Says:

    This one about Abby’s kitchen and Kyle was one of my favorites ever.

  3. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Kath—thank you so much. this was a hard piece to write, and despite its profound difficulties, I am grateful for the experience.

    Anne–I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for reading.

  4. Teresa Says:

    This moves me to tears. Your warm, thoughtful tribute to Abby is every woman’s hope….good good job

  5. Nancy"M" Says:

    What sweet writing. Loved how Kyle warmed up to your presence in her kitchen. It has to be hard. Loved the Pyrex dishes!!! I still have a few and our daughter loves them.
    Thanks for sharing; always love reading your articles. Good luck in your new home.

  6. goodfoodmatters Says:

    HI Teresa–thank you. thank you. I’m glad the piece touched you–that was my hope.

    Hi Nancy “M”–those Pyrex dishes are the coolest! We won’t be moving into our new place until January–our gypsy life continues. thank you for reading.

  7. Barbara Greene Says:

    So filled with kindness & warmth. Despite his grief, he did like having you both there…and she did too!

  8. goodfoodmatters Says:

    That was my sense of it too, Barbara. Thank you.

  9. Maggie Says:

    Oh Nance, what a beautiful, heartfelt story. A true tale of love and generosity, from you, Kyle, and Abby. I’m so glad you shared…

  10. Louise Says:

    Speaking from the perspective of a widow, I understand Kyle’s reluctance to change anything in his life until he was ready. Offering you shelter was a huge stretch since, after all, you’d be occupying his space. His resistance to your offer to cook for him was simply his way to maintain control.
    Luckily for both of you, he relented because the aromas emanating from his kitchen triggered loving memories of his wife.
    Just as he progressed from plain country cooking to the exciting dishes prepared by his wife, you helped him move forward It’s often difficult to forget what he witnessed as he watched his beloved Abby pass on. You reminded him that the path to living continues.

  11. goodfoodmatters Says:

    HI Mag–thank you so much for reading and commenting.

    Hi Louise–I appreciate you sharing your first hand perspective–it means a lot to me and my readers. You know. Just as Bill and I underestimated the depth of his grief, I underestimated the power of food. Thank you.

  12. Kathi Says:

    Nancy, Welcome back – what a lovely return entry to your blog! The writing – and photos – are fabulous. It is a tribute to Abby and her spirit, centered in the kitchen and embodied in her collection of utensils (how perfect that the Hamilton Beach mixer could come out of retirement for your dad’s birthday!) as well as the power of love and patience to support the grieving process for Kyle. It seems like the easier option would have been to move out, but the journey you all stayed with is a wonderful narrative on the challenges – and joys – of being human. Kyle’s next chapter – and your new home – will, no doubt, be blessed by the time you’ve spent together.

  13. Rhonda Hamilton Says:


  14. Gloria Ballard Says:

    What a beautiful story, Nancy. Thank you for sharing it.

  15. Melissa D. Corbin Says:

    Kitchen therapy in its truest form. So much lovin’ in Abby’s kitchen. What a sweet post, Nancy! I would hope if something happened to me, Stuart would have such an angel, as yourself, come cook in my kitchen. The only thing that I ask is that he doesn’t unload the dishwasher, while you’re cooking:)

  16. claudia Says:

    such beautiful writing. sending you love from up north.

  17. goodfoodmatters Says:

    thank you Claudia. sending love back.

  18. LaDonna Says:

    Beautiful on so many levels. Love to all.

  19. goodfoodmatters Says:

    LaDonna! Love to you!

  20. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Hi Kathi–so nice to hear from you! This post has been a long time in the making. It feels good to be back. Thank you for your insightful comments.

    Hi Rhonda–thank you. I hope to see you and K-Run soon.

    Hi Gloria–I so appreciate your comments, and your taking time to read my story. It means a lot!

    Hi Melissa—thank you so much. To the healing power of food!

  21. Ernestine Says:

    Thinking of you
    and smiling.
    Much you are discovering in cabinets are a part of this
    80 year olds life
    Enjoy this time
    and your soon to be new home…

  22. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Hi Ernestine
    Yes I bet that’s true
    And those kitchen treasures were made sooooo much better than today’s
    Hope all is well in your little cabin in the woods

  23. Gerlinde Says:

    I am glad you are posting again. What a beautiful and touching story. Your kindness and love helped Kyle through a painful time. Soon you will be in your new home.

  24. Tammy Says:

    That was beautifully written Nancy. I so feel for Kyle and his loss and salute the grace that you portray through your cooking.

  25. Denise Says:

    Such an emotional experience, Nancy. I’m sure Kyle is thankful. If you’re still there, I hope the mood has lightened a bit. All of that darkness must be difficult for all of you.

  26. goodfoodmatters Says:

    HI Gerlinde–thank you. we hope to be in our new home in late January. hope hope hope!

    Hi Tammy-so nice to hear from you. hope all is well for you and your family.

    Hi Denise–thank you. We moved out of Kyle’s home the first of October. It took me that time to reflect on the experience, and write about it. It had its darkness for sure. We have since seen Kyle; he is a little lighter. Grief is powerful. I think many of us are feeling it for our country now.

  27. Teresa Blackburn Says:

    Great piece Nancy…I am so confused…The election has fried my brain….Lordy!
    Any how, Love the kitchen pics with the cookbooks and Pyrex. Sending good thoughts your way. November is a cruel month this year! Big Kiss. T

  28. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Yes, Terese, it is. We have to be strong and light.

  29. Karen (Back Road Journal) Says:

    What a lovely and well written story. As much as Kyle might have had second thoughts about you staying, I bet he misses the good food you made for him now that you are gone.

  30. goodfoodmatters Says:

    HI Karen, Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I imagine that Kyle misses those nice meals. I think he is making progress, as he moves through his grief, in fashioning his path going forward. My best to you, Nancy

  31. Mary Younkin Says:

    What a beautifully written post, Nancy. I’m certain you have been an immense blessing to Kyle through his grief.

  32. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Hi Mary—so nice to hear from you. Thank you for your kind comment. I hope all is well at Barefeet in the Kitchen, and wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

  33. Kelli Says:

    Nancy, This is your best article yet. And so timely given the heightened sense of loss that many feel during the holiday season. Kyle is exceedingly gracious to allow you to share your collective story, and I hope that the both of you would be willing to share it with an even broader audience. May we never underestimate the power of human kindness and nourishment; together they can bring much-needed healing. Thanks to you both for sharing.

  34. goodfoodmatters Says:

    You are welcome, Kelli–hope all is well. I appreciate your kind words, and do hope that this story will find a wider audience.

  35. Juliana Says:

    On Nancy, this is such a pretty and touching post…it was so nice to read it and imagine all the events that was going on in the house. I am sure that you and Bill soothed Kyle pain.
    Have a wonderful week ahead my dear :)

  36. Penny Harrington Says:

    Dear Nancy:

    Missed you. Lovely writing and evocative.

  37. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Hi Juliana, Thank you, I’m glad you stopped by to read. All the best!

    Hi Penny, I so appreciate you reading my work and commenting. I hope to see you sometime soon. Nancy

  38. Karen (Back Road Journal) Says:

    Hi Nancy, I just wanted to stop back by to wish you and Bill all the best in this New Year. Hopefully you will be settled into your home soon.

  39. goodfoodmatters Says:

    Hi Karen–thanks so much for circling back with your good wishes. We hope to settled this quarter. Sadly, there have been problems with our contractor that we are working diligently to resolve. The house is over 85% complete.

  40. Good Food Matters » Blog Archive » A Fresh Start Says:

    […] In Abby’s Kitchen […]

Comment on This Post: